I can’t describe the change that God has done in me, in the past few months, though I have tried in previous posts they have failed. After today (April 1st), I am changing a lot of things, starting here at ATW. I made the mistake of writing to keep numbers or stir people to respond but that ends now. I don’t care if no one reads this then I will keep writing because if nothing else then this site will one day become a chronicle of my walk with Christ.
Change is the dreaded word we hate to hear but the one word necessary for all of us in life. As believers in Christ change is essential, though at times unpleasant. I am not talking about the hokey pokey “change” of a politician stump speech terminology but the raw honest guts on the floor change that happens in all of us as we pursue God being transformed to the image of Christ.
Tonight, I have been changed; I have been altered and modified. What I have been struggling and wrestling with much like Jacob wrestling God refusing to let Him go until he got the blessing (Genesis 32:22-32) I refused to relent from God till He birthed what had been leaving me so unsettled in my gut. I don’t know about you but when I get to the place where I can’t be satisfied with God no matter how much I spend with Him or in His Word or studying reading etc I know He is birthing something in me. This anticipation leaves me on the edge of my seat until it comes out.
While the past month I have been learning on how to steward the prophetic words given to me from the Lord (a subject for another time) but I knew where I was in my gift and I was not where God wanted me. I was left unsatisfied and without clarity in areas I sought Him on because I had an unknown block between the Lord and I. Somewhere along the way I had started to “use” the Holy Spirit instead of just “being with Him.” I treated Him as a tool instead of the Divine Person He is and without proper honor between two parties no relationship can flourish and I had reached a stand still. While I didn’t see it I knew:
change was coming. soon.
While I can’t give up the details of what all was said just yet I had repented quickly of my treatment of the Holy Spirit and it was not an easy thing to be rebuked like this. It hurt deeply as most change does and while it took about a month to be developed and mature within it was worth the pain and confusion. The Psalmist teaches us that “God is drawn to a broken and contrite heart” (Psalm 34:18) and in that place I collided with God. In that moment it was like a dam broke within and flooded me with His Spirit.
He then led me to a book I brought but never read and led me to a particular chapter which confirmed everything that was stirring within and then the Holy Ghost expanded that and showed how it applied to me. I told a friend earlier tonight that “awakening (change) was coming but it first had to happen in us.” I didn’t realize how personal that would be tonight so yet again I leave you with this as we (Fayetteville, NC) are in the second stage of Awakening:
change is coming. soon.